Bill's Big Bag of Onions

The FINAL Onion

Tue, 12 Aug 2025 16:53:47 +0000

“Keeping The Faith” tells the story of a parish priest who no longer believes the things that his parishioners believe.

Written and curated by Adrian Coen (1964-2025).

With Adrian Coen and Yvonne Pini

The Series 5 Retrospective, part TWO

Tue, 05 Aug 2025 11:00:00 +0000

Here is anotyher chance to listen to more wonderfiul, beguiling and engaging stories, blended with great music, into delicious soundscapes. First broadcast between January and July 2021.

With Adrian Coen and Yvonne Pini.

The Series 5 Retrospective, part ONE

Tue, 29 Jul 2025 10:51:14 +0000

A chance to hear a retrospective of Onions Past, with this first return to magnificent stories and music, first broadcast between January and July 2021.

With Adrian Coen and Yvonne Pini.

Futuristic Onions

Tue, 22 Jul 2025 11:00:00 +0000

Some say ‘Tomorrow’s World’. Others say ‘Beyond the Now’ and ‘The Shape of Things to Come’. Its all Futuristic Onions to us…

with Adrian Coen and Yvonne Pini

Before and After Onions

Tue, 15 Jul 2025 11:00:00 +0000

From what came, to what became…

More tasty 100-word tales to tempt and tease, taking you through the transformation.

with Adrian Coen and Yvonne Pini

Hoisted by Our Own Onions

Tue, 08 Jul 2025 11:00:00 +0000

100-word stories (Onions) that signify an ironic reversal or a sense of poetic justice.

With Adrian Coen & Yvonne Pini

Onions From Our Upstairs Window

Tue, 01 Jul 2025 11:00:00 +0000

100-word stories (Onions), witnessed from behind the net curtains of our upstairs window.

With Adrian Coen and Yvonne Pini

Loads of Onions #04

Tue, 24 Jun 2025 11:00:00 +0000

Each onion is more round, more firm, more juicy and just more fabulous than you thought was possible! Here are original 100-word stories with soundscapes and heart warming music. The perfect snack, at any time.

With Adrian Coen and Yvonne Pini

Loads of Onions #03

Tue, 17 Jun 2025 11:00:00 +0000

Plump and firm, full and juicy. More onions than you can stuff into your biggest jar. What a treat - stories, soundscapes and brilliant music.

with Adrian Coen and Yvonne Pini

The Return of the Onions

Tue, 10 Jun 2025 18:55:00 +0000

A homecoming for these gorgeous and original 100 word stories, happily sat amidst soundscapes and the best music. with Yvonne Pini and Adrian Coen

The Onions of No Return

Tue, 03 Jun 2025 19:55:00 +0000

No re-appearance for these original 100 word stories, embedded with soundscapes and excellent music - with their high yield of listening joy, they are new, fresh and very very tasty. With Yvonne Pini and Adrian Coen

Loads of Onions #02

Tue, 27 May 2025 11:00:00 +0000

So many onions squeezed into this happiness jar, full of joyous love juice and engaging pleasure crunch. Yum Yum!

with Adrian Coen and Yvonne Pini

Loads of Onions #01

Tue, 20 May 2025 11:00:00 +0000

It does what it says on the tin… with more onions than you can shake in a tin. Tasty, engaging, absorbing and always a pleasure. Yum Yum.

With Adrian Coen and Yvonne Pini

Bonus Rewind: SALTY DOG ONIONS

Tue, 13 May 2025 11:00:00 +0000

SALTY DOG ONIONS are remarkable for their life-enhancing qualities, and have been used to butter souls from ancient Mesopotamia, across medieval marshlands, and even through today’s difficult times.

Sit back and surrender to the splendiferous music and originatively homegrown storytelling, that is Bill’s Big Bag of Onions… Original 100-word stories to enthral and delight.

With Adrian Coen & Yvonne Pini

Bonus Rewind: LOST ON THE MӦBIUS STRIP

Tue, 06 May 2025 11:00:00 +0000

MӦBIUS STRIP ONIONS – always indefinable and forever indescribable.

Original 100-word stories to enthral and delight

With Adrian Coen & Yvonne Pini.

Onions does Musicologies, Big Bag #01

Tue, 29 Apr 2025 18:50:00 +0000

Thematic streams of thought and music, from the interludes found on the UK radio show ‘Box 39’. This weeks topics include: alternative Christmas presents, April Fools’ Day, and ’normal service will be resumed short

with Adrian Coen and Bill Lawrance

Beauty and the Beast Onions

Tue, 22 Apr 2025 18:50:00 +0000

A merchant setting out on a journey to restore his fortune offers to bring gifts for his daughters. While the elder daughters make extravagant requests, the youngest, Beauty, asks only for a rose.

Don’t expect this though. We have far better ideas…

with Adrian Coen & Yvonne Pini

International Guide to Prominent Veteran Onionistas, Part 4

Tue, 15 Apr 2025 18:50:00 +0000

This week, Guppy Productions, in cooperation with The Deep State and the Wivenhoe Anti-Boring Society, presents Colne Radio’s International Guide to Prominent Veteran Onionistas, Part 4. with Adrian Coen & Yvonne Pini

International Guide to Prominent Veteran Onionistas, Part 3

Tue, 15 Apr 2025 06:40:01 +0000

This week, Guppy Productions, in cooperation with the United Nations and the Wivenhoe Festival of Mindfulness, presents Colne Radio’s International Guide to Prominent Veteran Onionistas, Part 3. with Adrian Coen & Yvonne Pini

International Guide to Prominent Veteran Onionistas, Part 2

Tue, 08 Apr 2025 06:53:09 +0000

This week, Guppy Productions, in cooperation with the United Nations and the European Court of Human Rights, presents Colne Radio’s International Guide to Prominent Veteran Onionistas, Part 2. with Adrian Coen & Yvonne Pini

International Guide to Prominent Veteran Onionistas, Part 1

Mon, 07 Apr 2025 05:00:00 +0000

This week, Guppy Productions, in cooperation with the institutions of the New World Order at the highest level presents Colne Radio’s International Guide to Prominent Veteran Onionistas, Part 1. with Adrian Coen & Yvonne Pini

LOVELY ONIONS

Sun, 06 Apr 2025 05:00:00 +0000

This week, all our Onions are truly lovely. And so is the music. Written by the lovely Jake Becker, Angela Cairns, Jenny Miller, Tim Morgan, Pat Blosse, Clare Kemsley, Phil Boast, Harry Voge, Angela Cairns, Ian Hornett , Sophie Drewnogal , Sara Nice, John Dew, Adrian Coen. Bill Lawrance, Daryl Lotterby and Mary-Jane Ng. With the lovely Yvonne Pini and Adrian Coen.

ONIONS IN THE CITY

Sat, 05 Apr 2025 05:00:00 +0000

This week, Bill brings a bag of boiled Onions to the big city (i.e. bigger than Colchester) to see what all the fuss is about. The ever-growing work-from-home pen-pushing Onion bureaucracy that made this journey possible includes Jo Kerr, Pat Bloss, Kara Black, Ian Hornett, Ruth Hamilton, Sebastian Tombs, Brenda Bonzer, Bill Lawrance, Sue Beer, Tim Morgan, Plum South, John Dew, Susan Low, and Phil Boast. With Yvonne Pini and Adrian Coen.

FIRST ONIONS ON MARS

Fri, 04 Apr 2025 05:00:00 +0000

Colne Radio has beaten Elon Musk to it! Senior Presenter and Chief Big Baggist, Bill Lawrance, has succeeded in land a large sack of Onions on the planet Mars. Watching all this from Guppy Productions Space Centre in Wivenhoe were Phil Boast, Ruth Hamilton, Sue Beer, Jenny Miller, Pat Blosse, Felicity Fig, Barbara Toucan, Sebastian Tombs, John Dew, Bill Lawrance, Jo Kerr, Clare Kemsley, Angela Cairns, and Melissa Porter. With Yvonne Pini and Adrian Coen.

FELICITY FIG ONIONS

Thu, 03 Apr 2025 05:00:00 +0000

This week’s show is given over in its entirety to an anthology of delicious Onions cultivated by the enigmatic Felicity Fig for which she was paid at a bulk rate and not per Onion so that Bill could pocket his usual weekly bung in full. With Yvonne Pini and Adrian Coen.

ONIONS OUT OF BALANCE

Wed, 02 Apr 2025 05:00:00 +0000

There’s certainly one thing that everyone can agree about the seminal 1982 film “Koyaanisqatsi” - a Native American word meaning ‘life out of balance’ - featuring only stunning visual images and mesmerizing motion picture sequences: no words, no characters, and no narrative…we can all agree that there could NEVER EVER be a radio version of the film. Except, there now is. This show features the music of Phillip Glass and Onions Out Of Balance written by Clare Kemsley, Ruth Hamilton, Sue Beer, Jo Kerr, Angela Cairns, Jenny Miller, Phil Boast, Bill Lawrance, Pat Blosse, Ian Hornett, Tim Morgan and John Dew. With Yvonne Pini and Adrian Coen

AESOP’S ONIONS

Tue, 01 Apr 2025 05:00:00 +0000

Aesop loved, and knew, his onions, writing over a thousand fables about the Allium Cepa, as well as running the first burger bar in the whole of ancient Athens that served fried onion rings. In celebration of the ancient storyteller, who also made theworld’s first Onion based anti-perspirant, here are a whole bunch of Onions in one of Bills Big Bags, with each linked mysteriously, yet appositely, to the old Greek Fabulist himself. With Adrian Coen and Yvonne Pini

TRIPPY ONIONS

Mon, 31 Mar 2025 05:00:00 +0000

Featuring 100-word scarcely-a-story offerings written by: Sarah Freely, Pamela Ennis, Amy L. Bethke, Jo Coldwell, B.A. Williams, Iqbal, Zavinia Orlossky, Jake Becker, Marianne Rossant, Giorgio Adalopoulos, Santian Vataj, John Davis, Kathy Fish, Jeelan, JSP Jacobs, Carol Ennis, Harry Voge, Steve Gow, Nil Yeshil, Yvonne Pini, and Michael Micky-Lidis. With Adrian Coen and Yvonne Pini

ENOUGH ONIONS?

Sun, 30 Mar 2025 05:10:00 +0000

In this show, our Onionistas seemed to be unsure of whether the theme was ‘Isn’t This World Enough?’ …or… ‘Aren’t These Onions Enough?’ Either way, the answers are.“yes” and “no”, respectively, although this may not be made clear by the content of the show. Featuring 100-word scarcely-a-story offerings written by: Sue Beer, Susan Low, Clare Kemsley, Jenny Miller, Angela Cairns, Jo Kerr, Daphne Button, Lis Edwards, Paul Hooper, Pat Blosse, Tim Morgan, Ian Hornett, Adrian Coen, John Dew, Phil Boast,Minnie Ardo, and Jim Crimm. With Adrian Coen and Yvonne Pini

AGEING ONIONS

Sat, 29 Mar 2025 05:10:00 +0000

In this show, our intrepid a-hundred-word’s-all-you’re-getting Onionistas try cogitating such things as the bleak prospects of a decrepit highwayman, besieging Troy in your 70s (metaphorically, of course) and the indignity of hair sprouting from all orifices. Featuring teeny-weeny micro-fictions written by Clare Kemsley, Sue Beer, Phil Boast, John Dew, Pat Blosse, Rob Lewis, Paul Hooper, Toni Peers, Susan Low, Lily Matthews, Eli Rose, Kara Black, Verity James. Jim Crimm, and Tim Morgan. With Adrian Coen and Yvonne Pini

INTERCONNECTED ONIONS

Fri, 28 Mar 2025 05:00:00 +0000

Here are forty four entirely interconnected previously-broadcast Onions that have been outsourced to a Cayman Islands holding company and then leased back to Colne Radio in one of the most audaciously ingenious tax deduction schemes ever seen in British third-tier radio after which the unwitting Onionistas – aside from Bill Lawrance himself, of course – now find that they have not only effectively paid for the inclusion of their own 100-word stories but have also footed the bill for a one-month long “fact finding” trip for Bill and the two voice artists, Yvonne Pini and Adrian Coen, to easily the most Cayman of the Cayman Islands. The names of the Onion writers who are the victims of this scheme have been withheld on the advice of legal counsel.

LECHEROUS ONIONS

Thu, 27 Mar 2025 05:00:00 +0000

In this show, our one-hundred-words-is-all-we-write Onionistas trot out scantily described scenarios about neglected guitars, illicit alcohol in Saudi Arabia, and Jane Austen’s outdoor khazi. Featuring remarkably low word quantity scribbling by KT Eden, Jake Becker, Sam Buru, John Dew, Rob Lewis, Phil Boast, Ian Hornett, Maggie Matheson, Tim Aston, Geoffrey Chiswell-Greene, Sue Beer, Bartholomew Crabbs, Brenda Bonzer, Sebastian Tombs, Ruth Hamilton, and Pat Blosse. With Adrian Coen and Yvonne Pini.

MALDIVIAN ONIONS

Wed, 26 Mar 2025 05:00:00 +0000

In this show, our low-word-count Onionistas try tickling tales of autonomous flatulence, uninvited Vikings, and the decline of shipping barges. Featuring suspiciously fleeting screeds written by Ian Crimm, Sam Buru, John Dew, Rob Lewis, Phil Boast, Ian Hornett, Geoffrey Chiswell-Greene, Sue Beer, Bartholomew Crabbs, Brenda Bonzer, Sally Wazey, Ruth Hamilton, Pat Blosse, and Minnie Ardo. With Adrian Coen and Yvonne Pini.

REVOLUTIONARY ONIONS

Tue, 25 Mar 2025 05:00:00 +0000

In this show, our rebellious rabble of Onionistas tackle scintillating subjects like inadvertently disinhibited Hamlet, unwelcome expressions of affection, and deceptively named racehorses. Featuring bewilderingly succinct yarns written by Tim Aston, Sue Beer, John Dew, Pat Blosse, Rob Lewis, Susan Low, Ian Hornett, Tim Morgan, Phil Boast, Sebastian Tombs, Ruth Hamilton, Joanne Abberton, Angela Cairns, and Ian Crimm. With Adrian Coen and Yvonne Pini

BASQUE ONIONS

Mon, 24 Mar 2025 05:00:00 +0000

These independence-minded onions will always find a way… a lovely listen, and quite unique. Beautiful onions in a warm soup of brilliant stories. There’s nothing more to say… with Adian Coen & Yvonne Pini.

REUNION ONIONS

Sun, 23 Mar 2025 05:00:00 +0000

In this show, our motley crew of Onionistas tackle stolid topics like owls, bots, and poo bags. Featuring uncommonly short bits of writing by Angela Cairns, Clare Kemsley, John Dew, Paul Hooper, Sue Beer, Masaki Dew, Lis Edwards, Ian Hornett, Ruth Hamilton, Toni Peers, Harriet Peers, Eli Morrison, Pat Blosse, and Phil Boast. With Adrian Coen and Yvonne Pini.

FLOURESCENT ONIONS

Sat, 22 Mar 2025 05:00:00 +0000

In this show, our doughty troupe of Onionistas tackle weighty topics like magic mushrooms, chronic adultery, and fizzy pop. Featuring unusually brief bits of writing by Rob Lewis, Sue Beer, Pat Blosse, Paul Hooper, Bill Lawrance, Brandon Louis Mayer, Jake Becker, Jenny Miller, Ian Hornett, John Dew, Tim Aston, Clare Kemsley, Ian Sayers and Phil Boast. With Adrian Coen and Yvonne Pini.

PROSTATE ONIONS

Fri, 21 Mar 2025 05:00:00 +0000

Written and curated by Ian Hornett, this ia a heart warming, funny and engaging story. With Adrian Coen and Yvonne Pini

BIRTHDAY ONIONS

Thu, 20 Mar 2025 05:00:00 +0000

“Irene’s Birthday Party” was written and curated by Bill Lawrance. Meet the family as they celebrate Irene’s 100th birthday. With your slice of cake are schemes, secrets, surprises, and a snake. With Adrian Coen & Yvonne Pini

ISTANBUL ONIONS

Wed, 19 Mar 2025 05:00:00 +0000

“Istanbul Onions” was commissioned and curated by Jenny Miller. There will be no need to visit the city of Istanbul once you have listened to this show, and this may be the reason why the Turkish Tourist Board has lobbied so hard to have the show cancelled. Featuring Onions penned by Istanbul residents Dominique Renaudin, Tim Hallam, Brandon Mayer, H., Nil Yeshil, Jomathan Smith, Graham Alexander, Dave Watkins, Nessie, Lis Edwards, Kokosh Annal, Ella Stark, Lizzie Aksoy, Hilda Peach, Rod McKee, Emma Goto, and Jenny Miller. With Adrian Coen & Yvonne Pini

THE OLD HOUSE ONIONS

Tue, 18 Mar 2025 05:00:00 +0000

What is it exactly with The Old House? Written by Phil Boast. Featuring Yvonne Pini and Adrian Coen

Z - Zesty Onions

Sun, 27 Dec 2020 12:00:00 +0000

The perfect end to Series 4, with a retrospective of 100-word stories, mixed with undeservedly unfamiliar music to make soundscapes that entertain, beguile and absorb.

With Adrian Coen and Yvonne Pini - and the great Onionistas, our writers.